So beautiful, I almost cried

I DID IT!

I finally can say I've accepted it!

No more remorse, no more derision. I can let things
flowwwwwwwwww...


like a river in the woods. like a wave. like blood.

Did I hit rock bottom? I think I did. Now things can finally start.
I cannot undo the past, but I can change the future. (yeah, it's cliche. so kill me!)

Being the hipster that I am...

Stalkers

Yesterday made me feel it was summer.


I went to a PC barbecue and ate hot dogz and hamburgerz. We did things I never do. We played basketball (everyone vs. Katie), told jokes from Popsicle sticks, and watched scary movies. We even had smores! With the fire! It was great. The perfect post-goodbye party.




Anyways, after the BBQ I went to school to get my books and it was about 9:00. So I am at the red light at Pierre, dazed, and this care honks at me. I start driving and the car follows me. I get really freaked out. I start speeding and making all these crazy lane changes because they were right on me. Finally I lose them and I drive around. So I go home when the coast is clear and set my stuff down. All of a sudden, my phone rings and Lauren calls me. I tell her the entire story. Turns out Lauren, Chris, Trisha, and Nick were my deranged stalkers.

What a night!

I have so much.



Friends, grades, EIC, PC. I am so fortunate.
God! Very fortunate!


Right now, life is Great. Almost ridiculously Great.

Self-help Book Great.

I accept the impossible, I see the glass half full.

Later, life can be miserable. Rejections, fights, stress.
But that shouldn't faze me. Today is Great.

IC: 2008

I saw the yearbook tonight. It was amazing. Bright, bold, beautiful. I hope everyone else likes it.






And fyi, my photos weren't pixelated. As a had dreamed.

AP's

Goodbye test prep books, the numbers 1-5, free response!

See you in July.

Taco Factory

I have this ritual that every Wednesday after Outreach I must go to Taco Factory and order a Factory Burrito sans sour cream and cheese with super nachos.

I sit at the table in the Northwest corner.  I eat the burrito, save the nachos for Thursday.

This may sound pathetic and gluttonous, but the one event that I look forward to every week is Taco Factory Wednesdays.

I speak broken Spanish.

I eat.

I am content for two days.

But the main reason I am infatuated this even is because it never goes away.

I live one minute away from Taco Factory.  Car breaks down- I can walk.  From now until forever, a Taco Factory will appear on Wednesdays.  It is my hobbit hole, my escape.

Tomorrow is Wednesday.  As a matter of fact, any day could be Wednesday if I wanted it to be.

90%

OH! how God has a sense of humor...

I actually failed something today.  An assignment I should've gotten 100% on.  But why am I being so fucking negative?  Shit!

I am Winning.

I'm not going to let myself down again and it wasn't supposed to be like anything.

life is unwritten

I couldn't do anything about it.  I didn't see it coming.  So how could it be my fault?

What's better?

Comparisons are obscene.  How do you compare black with white?  Night with day?  And I have a shadow!  That's what counts?  Right?

I am Success.  Playing my own games, being my only opponent.  I am Genuine.

Home Sick

I love being sick.  I always feel like being sick gives you an advantage among others.  You are given more priority.  You sleep.  You ditch school.

My favorite game to play when I am sick is to look at the clock and see what period it is at school.

7:00.  Calc.  Test, don't want to be there.

8:24.  English.  Definitely don't want to be there.

11:39.  Spanish.  Lectura.  Ughhhh.

While my classmates go to these mundane places, I sit on a couch with a blanket and In-N-Out; watching Celebrity Rehab.  Life is great.

So I could be happy...

Thursday was one of the best days of my life.  It's funny: nothing spectacular happened, nothing great happened, and nothing concluding happened.  Up until that moment, that day kind of blew.  I bombed a history test, I still was hungover from deadline, and I was tired from only 3 hours of sleep.  Well I found this note in my room and as I read, a lot of things were starting to make sense.  This void I've had for months and months in my stomach: gone!  It was 5 minutes of pure ecstasy: I was decimeters from speaking in tongues and joining a cult.  I can't remember being so gleeful about things, so optimistic.  I was full of breath; energized to do anything.  

Unfortunately, emotions don't last forever.  And now I feel like shit...

Rivers Cuomo Loved His Dungeon Master's Guide

Coming out of my car today, it finally came to me that I am a geek.  I had just come home from work and I was sitting in my car putting all of my textbooks on my lap.  

The car moved two inches from the weight.

Trying to be as nonchalant as possible, I open my car and try to walk with 7 books up the driveway and eventually to the front door (haven).  However, things did not go over as smoothly as I intended.  Textbooks lay scattered on the asphalt, notecards everywhere, and my keys still on my seat.  I leave these items where they are and decide to head to the house.

It is at this point I couldn't get any geekier.

My first thoughts are of concern.  Will my books get wet?  What will I do if they are ruined?  How will I study?  Will I need to cover my textbooks again?

But it isn't just in these moments I can be considered a dork.  Every moment is the geekiest moment of my life.  This moment is the geekiest in my life.  Just think about these small facts about me:

1.  I think more about music than I think about girls.

2.  My room is littered with neon notecards (racy, huh?)

3.  My net attendance of parties in 2007 was 4.  3 of them family related.

4.  My DVD collection is (but not limited) to: the Star Wars trilogy, the Back to the Future trilogy, the entire series of FRIENDS on DVD, and Monty Python.

5.  The last thing I searched on Wikipedia was Catherine II of Russia.

However pathetic or lame this may be, I prefer the nerd lifestyle over the cool lifestyle.  Life has more substance this way.  After all, Rivers Cuomo loved his Dungeon Master's guide, but that didn't stop him from being one of the most badass rockers ever.

My name is...

After much thought, I have decided this is the best rap song ever.  Yes, the best.

Resolution

I will make a list.  I will check it twice.  I will never get to it.  I hate changing, even for the better.  I will not think of the year collectively, because my stance on a year is how I feel in the present.  People see this as a turning point, but to me it is all continuous.  Everything will be the same tomorrow.  

I find this as an appropriate song for the new year.  The lyrics are phenomenal.  And although, I prefer the album version, this live performance is damn good.

BTW

This is such a beautiful song and video. The song meshes a Beirut beat: very exotic, yet comforting and welcoming; James Mercer's voice (I believe they're Swedish); and Kanye West's infatuation with diamonds (used as a metaphor, naturally). Great stuff.

The Trunk

If there were any place I would want to be, it would be the trunk of my car. On a rainy day with nowhere to go, the small open space behind my two-seater welcomes me. I curl into the fetus position, and stare at the sky; with the rain silently dancing on the window. It is there I write stories, it is there I feel warm and dry, and it is there I can truly think.


I guess good things do come in small packages.

Hoppipolla

This morning I wanted to be a kid again. As I woke from bed at 5:40, I wanted to do things like a seven year old- treat each mundane task with excitement. As I took my shower, I let my imagination run wild. I scribbled my goals for the day, the name of my future love, and my name on the condensation of the glass. I went underneath the shower head and pretended to be under a waterfall in Africa. I took into account of every drop that came from the spout. When I brushed my teeth, I pretended the toothbrush was a monorail. When I dressed, I pretended I was dressing for some significant occasion. But their was no kidding myself. Today would be like all the rest. 0. 1. 3. 5. Nothing fresh. But a little shot of imagination every now and then can't hurt some one.

180 Minutes (time flies)

As of 15:58, I have had the house to myself. I have 180 minutes of time of solitude before the my parents (the bane of my existence) come back from LAX with my relatives. During this time, my goal is to do as much disobeying as possible due to the bitch my dad was when he left. As of right now I am in safe mode for possible turn-arounds from parents. This mode ends until 16:10 and then I can enjoy sanity for a while.

16 Military Wives

this is how music videos were supposed to be made: witty and sophisticated.

Repaso

0. Calc AB/AP-Hildreth
1. English 3 H-Donee
2. Pubs- Chai
3. APUSH-Nelson
4. Spanish 3 H- De la Cruz
5. Peer Counseling-Johannsen

beautiful!