5:07 p.m.

...And at the Pearly Gates, I knelt on both knees and begged. I was the Pauper demanding cake. You stared at me and laughed, and before I knew it, I fell from the clouds.

Farther,
and farther,
back to Earth.

I am Mortal; nothing is going to change any time soon. All I can do is look to the clouds and pray that, one day, You will let me in. But that's ridiculous. I have better things to do.

March

These days I find myself either completely stressed out or completely sedated.

11:40 a.m.

It smells like burned plastic.  Like my mother's room on a Saturday morning, the curling iron resting on the sink.  Everyone around me covers their faces with their arms, their scarves.  "The smell...it's too much."  I am the only one who enjoys it.  I inhale, exhale.  My lungs finally feel big, like white garbage bags that have never been used.  For the first time in a long while, I can take in the world without the stress, the drama, the neverending battle I have with confronting my fears.  I am calm.  

I stand enveloped by fire, but I know I will make it out.  For I will use my lungs and breathe as hard as I can, like the Big Bad Wolf and a brick house, like a child and a birthday cake.  

There's no such thing as a dead end.

9:15 p.m.

I pull into the parking lot in a black Toyota pickup, driving 45 mph. The guitar intro of "More Human Than Human" blares on the radio. I jump out of the car, squeeze through the gates. It's pitch black, and the only thing I hear is Rob Zombie's voice shouting in my head.

"I am the Astro-Creep
a demolition style hell
American Freak "

Close one.

The Obligatory New Year's Post

I'm not going to change...
things are going to suck.
things will not be "bomb" or "hot" in '09.
things are going to stay the same.



They always stay the same.

What If?

What if we never had that fight and you lost your trust in me?
What if I told you:
that you should wait
that I loved you
that you're an asshole?
What if I went with you in the car?
What if I gave up?

My life is filled with "what if's": I am the Traveler who took the Road Not Taken, the Astronaut who missed the moon and landed among the stars, the Man who threw stones from his Glass House.

And here I am: too stupid to stop asking "what if", too smart to never look back.

That...has made all the difference?

Red v. Blue

They're red. I'm blue.
We're divided, can't mix to purple.

The conversation goes and goes. But they won't look at it from my side; they're too hung up in a world of FOX propaganda and ignorance.

I clench my fists, trying to prevent myself from screaming.



It's time for college.