90%

OH! how God has a sense of humor...

I actually failed something today.  An assignment I should've gotten 100% on.  But why am I being so fucking negative?  Shit!

I am Winning.

I'm not going to let myself down again and it wasn't supposed to be like anything.

life is unwritten

I couldn't do anything about it.  I didn't see it coming.  So how could it be my fault?

What's better?

Comparisons are obscene.  How do you compare black with white?  Night with day?  And I have a shadow!  That's what counts?  Right?

I am Success.  Playing my own games, being my only opponent.  I am Genuine.

30%

I am Failure.

I let myself down and it wasn't supposed to be like this.

not even close

I blame myself more that I couldn't do anything about it.  I didn't see It coming.  Things don't look great anymore...

What's worse?

Standing next to the false heroics: the ones who took advantage of my sacrifice, the ones who look apropos but have no shadow.  I am being compared to them?  No?

I am a tragic fall.  Beaten at my own game, ridiculed by my own conscious.  And that is why I am Heroic.

Brainwashed

Think for yourself.

I, by any means, am no reference to life.  Otherwise, I would not be writing this blog.

Maybe I am a little ironic, but clone stamping isn't the way to do things.  If anything, it strays you from what you are.

What do you think will happen next?

The pressure has overtaken me.

I fall to the bed, give a heavy sigh.

"What do you think will happen next?" you said.

"I don't know."

We pause.  Not ready to think, not ready to move on.  It's the only moment of hope we've got; we'll make it last.

I will:

listen to "Hey There Delilah", sell my body, eat insects, do outrages stunts, pull a David Blaine, pull an Evil Knievel, praise Hannah Montana, fight in Iraq, dress in drag and get low on youtube, create and take part in a 12 step program,  carry only pennies, slaughter pigs, or watch High School Musical instead of doing my English, Spanish, and History homework.

ALSO: due to my overflow of "asdf" tags, I will now be using "sh00t esh000" as a subsitute; however, they mean exactly the same thing.

Don't Look Back in Anger

Lately I have been really into covers.  I like how artists interpret other songs outside their genre.

Smashing Pumpkins: "Landslide" (Fleetwood Mac)

Adam Green and Ben Kweller: "Kokomo" (Beach Boys)

However this cover of "Don't Look Back in Anger" done by Devendra Banhart is my favorite.  Banhart is able to manipulate a Britpop anthem into a folk song.  That is talent.  

Home Sick

I love being sick.  I always feel like being sick gives you an advantage among others.  You are given more priority.  You sleep.  You ditch school.

My favorite game to play when I am sick is to look at the clock and see what period it is at school.

7:00.  Calc.  Test, don't want to be there.

8:24.  English.  Definitely don't want to be there.

11:39.  Spanish.  Lectura.  Ughhhh.

While my classmates go to these mundane places, I sit on a couch with a blanket and In-N-Out; watching Celebrity Rehab.  Life is great.

100

Happy 100, blog!

I have done a lot of hating on here, and I am confident there will be more hating to come.

Euphemism

I am beginning to think that the euphemism is one of the most frivolous part of language.  Just because you give shitty topics pretty fronts doesn't change the context.

His cousin died by jumping off a roof.

They were caught having sex in a van.

That girl is a fat ass.

Is there truly a difference to say:

His cousin passed away jumping off a roof.

They were caught making love in a van.

That girl is big-boned.

I like being straight-forward.  I feel more awkward that way.  And awkwardness is a lot more interesting than small talk.

So I could be happy...

Thursday was one of the best days of my life.  It's funny: nothing spectacular happened, nothing great happened, and nothing concluding happened.  Up until that moment, that day kind of blew.  I bombed a history test, I still was hungover from deadline, and I was tired from only 3 hours of sleep.  Well I found this note in my room and as I read, a lot of things were starting to make sense.  This void I've had for months and months in my stomach: gone!  It was 5 minutes of pure ecstasy: I was decimeters from speaking in tongues and joining a cult.  I can't remember being so gleeful about things, so optimistic.  I was full of breath; energized to do anything.  

Unfortunately, emotions don't last forever.  And now I feel like shit...